Lux’s Story Part 3 | Recovery: walk it off, they said…

So Lux was born (!) and after about an hour we were moved to the postpartum ward. They had me stand up from the bed to sit in my wheelchair and immediately I threw up and bled everywhere. My doula said pads would be enough, but man did I love using a diaper. Seriously. No muss no fuss… Anyways… (:P)

The reason I threw up was because of my Epidural Puncture Headache. Immediately when I stood up I felt horrible head pain and became immediately nauseous. I had to close my eyes the whole way to my new room and immediately have the lights turned off when we arrived.

Basically what had happened was the first epidural that didn't work was because they punctured my spinal column. So every time I moved or tried to sit or stand up I got a massive migraine feeling because I was literally leaking spinal fluid. Apparently, this is not at all common, so once again, luck of the draw lol. I will explain how this affected me more as we go on.

Unfortunately, baby Lux's sugar was a little too low so we really focused on feeding him. Luckily I had expressed colostrum for about two weeks before giving birth and I had 24 ounces to start us off. We used these vials to collect it. He wasn't latching easily so we were expressing every three hours (and yes I mean we) Chuck was a lifesaver because I was so worse for wear and weak that he took over a lot of the things I normally would have been able to do for myself if not for the puncture headache. We were feeding him from a little cup and using a syringe that the nurse gave us. Though we also knew from speaking to our doula before this that brand new babies don't actually eat that much in the first day or so. They eat frequently, but it's not much more than a few milliliters.

When we were ready to try and breastfeed him I started out by expressing some milk into a little cup, then dipping my finger in my milk and using that finger to rub the roof of his mouth. This motion activates the sucking reflex, so as soon as he started sucking on my finger I transferred him to the breast. This took MANY tries. And even though we finally figured out the position that worked for him, it would change as he grew bigger and bigger. So don't forget to keep it loose and know that it's a long journey of figuring each other out.

Speaking of patience, I had one flat nipple. This made feeding him on that nipple extremely difficult. He would cry and cry on that nipple because he couldn't latch. My doctor and lactation consultant both suggested that I use a hand pump to get the nipple out more and then quickly transition him onto that nipple. Even still, it was a highly anxiety-inducing process every time, knowing that I had to feed him from the difficult nipple. Sometimes I would get tunnel vision and just want to get him to latch and Chuck had to step in to remind me that the baby had been crying for too long. It was so hard. I cried lots. I was hard on myself (a lot). But then I had a client tell me that she too had a flat nipple, and not only did it grow eventually, now it was their favorite side to feed with. That gave me such hope! And wouldn't you know that eventually, that is what happened for Lux and I. Patience is extremely important for breastfeeding, with yourself and with your baby, because you are both learning.

But I am getting ahead of myself. Back to recovery.

I complained about the headache often to my nurses. Finally, chuck reminded me that I needed to call it a migraine because they weren't getting the fact that I was in excruciating pain every time I moved. I needed the lights off all the time, and I had a constant cold compress on my face. A nurse finally told the doctor and I was prescribed caffeine pills. They said it should go away after a while. (Spoiler alert: it did not).

While we were getting ready to leave on Lux's second day, I was informed that I had preeclampsia. So that's why they kept taking my blood (my arms were covered in bruises). They had been constantly checking my blood pressure. Though, I'm grateful they didn't tell me, because I would have been anxious. But also why did they let me go through 40 hours of labor!? To this day I still don't know.

At this point, we had been at the hospital for 5-1/2 days and we wanted to go home. I wanted good food. Chuck needed an actual bed not a hard tiny couch with no pillow. So we decided to go home when they offered and didn't push back at all. Though, we should have pushed back. I was still very much not ok.

We asked for help to leave with a wheelchair because there was no way I could walk out. They said they couldn't do that. So I carried Lux in his carseat in my lap (they insist that you leave with your baby in the carseat) and Chuck pushed us both on the wheelchair out of the hospital. I was very dizzy and literally moaning the entire time. I don't get how they didn't see that as a problem and why they let us leave with the state I was in. 

Slowly, day by day, my condition grew worse. I couldn't stand. I couldn't sleep. And eventually because of my pelvic floor being cut in half, walking became nearly impossible. I could barely lift my feet to walk. Normally you could walk this off, rebuild the muscles, but because of the blinding migraine I got every time I moved I was pretty sedentary, and that was making the rest of my recovery so much more difficult.

After nearly a week, we finally went back to the Birthing Centre and found out that I should have had a blood patch before being discharged. And as rough as the last few days were, it was actually better that we were doing it later on—more chance of success. The blood patch is when you get another epidural (my third if you're counting… haha) and instead of the drug they put in your own blood to help develop a clot over the puncture hole. The staff doing this for me that day were insanely better than the people who helped me during labor. They were patient, diligent, very caring and they even showed the procedure to a bunch of young doctors who had never seen it, which was pretty cool.

Once again I was seated on a cot, Chuck in front of me helping me through it. The only difference was that we had Lux in a hospital bassinet in the corner just sleeping through the whole thing. This was the first of many times we have been told about how quiet and chill our baby is. I don't even know what I did to deserve a baby like Lux lol. According to stories that I’ve heard, I was definitely not as chill as he is. We are so lucky.

Instantly after the procedure, It was night and day. I was wheeled in on a wheelchair, and I might was well have skipped out the door when I left. I could feel like a mom, not like I was slowly fading away. I could change my son's diaper. I could SLEEP IN MY OWN BED. I felt like I could be a partner with Chuck in this experience rather than an added responsibility. Seriously, that man was a rock through it all. His back, knees, and feet hurt, but he would always get up to help me. In the bathroom, he was there to help me out and would clean up after me, he didn't care. He just wanted me to be as comfortable as I could be. He problem solved a lot of things for us, including finding out about the puncture headache and what procedure I needed to get better. So when I was finally able to walk without pain it was such a relief. We were a team again, back to how we function best.

To wrap things up, I would like to touch on some things that assisted me in my recovery. Witch hazel mixed in with a special spray rinser (peri-bottle) was amazing! And these cooling ice maxi pads are essential for every vaginal birth as far as I am concerned. Oh and diapers, get them. Just do it (:P). And after diapers weren't needed anymore, those super thick overnight pads are great. I was also prescribed a numbing cream. This was not offered to me until I was back for the blood patch. However, I would recommend you ask for it immediately if you tear or have an episiotomy. Those stitches are no joke.

The rest of the postpartum recovery was a dream in comparison to all of that puncture headache mess. And honestly, thanks to our amazing brains I have no real memory of the pain I felt. Any of it. I can't even tell you how it felt exactly other than repeat how I expressed it felt at the time. 

As the time passes, you get your body back. You feel more and more like yourself as the days and weeks go by. 

In fact, there are times you feel pretty top-notch. Like when you cook your first meal on your own again. When you make your bed. When you put on clothes that make you feel cute. It's like suddenly you are a MOM who can do all those things and that makes it all the more impressive.