Lux's Story Part 4 | How we settled our colicky baby
It was something clients would say even before I was pregnant: Chuck and I were going to have it easy with our baby because we were such baby whisperers. And every time someone said that I would respond with maybe we will just be good at putting him to sleep, but there is so much more to it all than that. Boy was I right. In this post, I will tell you something that my years of experience helped me with.
LUX HAD COLIC.
This is something I researched so heavily as I scrambled to understand why my little guy was so upset and uncomfortable. Here is what I found out. Colic is not an illness but a behaviour. It means your baby is crying consistently, my doctor defined it as three hours in one day, at least three days a week for more than three weeks. They don’t really know what causes Colic, often people think it means reflux or bad gas, perhaps constipation, but I also found articles explaining it as a baby being sensitive to the world and the stimulation in it, or them simply not knowing how to settle themselves.
The last explanation really helped me to understand something pretty fundamental in how I approached the first few months of Lux’s life (and have continued it since). Newborns are born without the ability to self-regulate. Whether they are uncomfortable, frightened, hungry, or upset, they do not know how to regulate themselves yet. This is where we as parents step in.
So whether your newborn has colic or is just a bit fussy, here is how I settled our colicky baby when he was super fussy.
I would give him his pacifier - now using a pacifier with newborns is a matter or debate for many. My guy is exclusively breastfed, but we have given him a soother since he was a few days old. He was pretty comfortable with his latch, and had a pretty strong suck so I didn’t feel worried about using it. Additionally with my approach of soothing him when he needed it, I didn’t want to play with fire when I knew that a pacifier would do the trick. And I read that having your newborn sleep with a pacifier reduces the chances of SIDS which was another huge incentive for me.
If you do decide to use the pacifier, be sure to give your little one time to get used to using it. Although newborns are born with the reflex to suck, they still need to learn how to do it. They need time to learn on you if you’re breastfeeding, or how to use the bottle if you’re bottle feeding, and they need time to learn on a pacifier.
I would hold him sideways - I would put his head in the crook of my left arm, face him towards my chest (this would help him to keep the pacifier in his mouth), and I would lie him across my chest. Lux is a 1-year-old as I write this and he still loves it when I hold him like this to put him to sleep.
I would swaddle him - you don’t know how often I hear that babies don’t like the swaddle. I truly believe this isn’t the case. Babies come from the snuggliest and cuddliest space (our womb) so unless they have spent a considerable amount of time out of it unswaddled, swaddling will bring them back to that place in their minds. Now when Lux was in full meltdown I did not have time or the inclination to swaddle him all prettily, because those hormones were ringing those alarm bells in my mind saying “BABY CRYING! FIX IT NOW!” lol. So my trick was I just took whatever blanket or swaddle I was using and tucked it around him as he was against my chest. If I had to put him down to sleep eventually I would just swaddle him after he had calmed down. You don’t have to swaddle them past 4 months, and you should stop swaddling them as soon as they learn how to roll.
FYI - we kept Lux in a swaddle while he slept in his bassinet. We used muslin cloth as that is more breathable, we had him right next to me in bed in his bassinet, and we used a pacifier while he slept. This made him sleep for longer at night, as he felt like he was still being held in his sleep.I would rock him - after giving him his soother, putting him sideways against my chest I would begin to rock him. Whether that was just swaying my body back and forth, using a leg jiggle to jiggle him (benefits of being a thicker lady hehe), or using an actual rocking chair. This was soothing to him because it reminded him of how he would sway in the womb as I walked around while pregnant.
I would shush him - I would either shush him loudly in his ear (especially when he was in full scream cry). Do remember that inside your body it is pretty loud, so they are used to a lot of loud constant repetitive noise, this is why we still use a noise machine to this day. If I was too tired to shush him I would use an app that I have called the baby shusher and just turn the phone up and put it in my bra on the opposite side of my chest than his head. This would normally work to stop the crying at this point.
Bonus Tip: I would also pat his butt. I would tap it with the same energy as a regular hand clap {anything lighter wouldn’t work) and it would be an added jiggle for him. To this day a good repetitive butt pat is all he needs to calm him down.
I want to say it was important to do all of these things to settle him... there were times that I was a bit sleep deprived and I would forget a step and the whole system would crumble and Lux would just keep crying. That’s why I would let Chuck and his mom who lives with us know all of these steps so we could help each other out when the settling didn’t seem to work.
Additionally, this isn’t a quick fix at all. Sometimes it would take 20 minutes to get Lux from full wail to soundly asleep. And doing all of these things combined made me feel absolutely crazy. I think even Chuck and his mom at first looked at me like I was a bit coo-coo… just rocking and shushing and patting, over and over and over… but as long as the initial wailing stopped and it was just whimpers and fussing, I kept going. It takes patience. Oh boy does it ever. But it was better than having him just cry it out in someone’s arms.
I have to say that this was the toughest thing to go through so far, it was heartbreaking to hear him cry like that. And there were definite days that I felt like a complete failure.
The thing that would help me through that was affirmations that I was doing my best and as long as I am there for him I am enough.
Lux’s Colic ended when he was between 2 and 3 months old, but even as he gets older we use similar techniques to help him settle. There is an end in sight, and as they get older and more used to the world and their bodies grow and develop, things get a little less scary for them. You got this mama, and if you have any questions at all please put them in the comments below! I would love to help! <3