Lux's Story Part 5 | Sleep? Who is she? Don't know her…
Those cellphone shots from the wee hours of the morning hit differently.
In my last post, I spoke about how my clients were positive that I was going to rock the newborn gig with my own baby. And in ways, I definitely had the advantage of years of experience with newborns and learning how they needed to be settled. But as I stated to my clients when they would say I had it easier - there is more to babies than just putting them to sleep and let me tell you, even that was a struggle for me.
But let me share with you all I learned about this, in hopes to make your life a bit easier than mine was.
In those first couple of weeks to a month, your newborn is basically going to eat and sleep. There will be diaper changes in there as well, but that's pretty much it. You might have an awake baby for a few moments, but not for very long before they become fussy. For us, with Lux, it seemed he had us on an every two hours cycle of sleep and eating. Sometimes newborns will go three hours between feedings. But every two to three hours is very common for when you want to feed them.
Now first things first, we used an app to help us track how much he was eating, peeing and pooing in those first few weeks. It helped us to answer easily when doctors or nurses asked us about how many pees he had or how often he was eating. Here's the app we use (we have android phones, there are plenty out there for you to choose from).
When Lux got to be about a month or so old, I began to have issues with getting him to sleep. It seemed like a real struggle, and I was so focused on getting him settled (because that was what I was doing for most of his life up until then), I didn't realize that he was trying to tell me that he wasn't tired yet.
That's when I learned about having a routine. The one that naturally worked for Lux (honestly it feels like he chose it because I wasn't trying to make this our routine, it just ended up being this way), Sleep, Eats, Play, then repeat. So we would have him wake up on his own (unless he was sleeping longer than the three-hour mark for his next feeding) feed him, then we would have his awake time. We would do tummy time, cuddles, sing songs, or let him lay down on his playmat with his play gym.
But soon I was running into issues of him fussing because he was overtired! So I did further research and found out about awake windows. There are many different ideas out there about this, but I worked with what I saw a lot of people saying and once again paid attention to Lux's cues to tell me when he was feeling tired. For instance, his awake window stayed at 45 minutes for longer than all the charts were saying it should and I just watched his cues and eventually he expanded his awake window himself. Now he's six months and most charts say he should be awake for 2-2.5 hours, but he sometimes can't go much longer than 1.5 hours. To me that's fine, he's growing at his own pace and I am happy to help him through it. Because if I try to push it longer than he can handle he gets very frustrated. So although these routines are super helpful, it was ideal for us to not look at them as firm schedules, but more as a guideline to support him through his development.
But at the same time, I can't tell you how many times I would get used to his routine and he would switch it on me and I wouldn't see that it was him asking for more awake time. Now I know, for Lux, if when I try to put him to sleep and he fusses, it's likely because he's not ready to sleep. And on the same vibe, if I see that he is yawning and rubbing his eyes, and fussing too, I know it's because he is getting overtired and it's worth it to keep trying to soothe him to sleep.
The last post I spoke of all the things I would have to do to settle him when he was 0-3 months old. Now I can just have him snuggled up in my lap, jiggle my leg for a little bit and he will drift off. It's a much calmer and nicer way of existing, but it definitely takes attention and diligence to understand where he is in his development and what he needs.
Napping
I made the choice to do contact napping. Lux still sleeps on me or in his stroller or car seat at six months old. I kinda stumbled into this life, the fact that I didn't want to put him down in the earlier days. Chuck really encouraged it, but for some reason, both Lux and I prefer it this way. I'm of the school of thought that your baby needs you through these first few months and the way he can feel his safest is in your arms. My childhood didn't feel safe for much of it, so perhaps I'm overcompensating, but I'm still happy with my choice. I get what I need to get done while he's awake, and when it's nap time we both get to relax and I get to sit in the moment with him and really be present to enjoy him now. Cuz I know it's not very long until a request for a hug will get me a “MO-OM! I'M TOO BIG FOR HUGS!” haha, so I'm taking it all in now.
Night-time Sleeps
For Lux, we have a pretty good routine figured out. We feed him before sleep, and we feed him through the night whenever he wakes up. He goes on average about four hours between feedings, sometimes longer, if there is a growth spurt sometimes much shorter. It took me a while and a few conversations with mamas I know and trust to find out that most babies don't sleep through the night. It's a functioning part of their development to have them wake up often at night as it helps them with their systems that are still learning to regulate. We are lucky in that he's super great at eating and then going right back to sleep, so it's rare we are up longer than 30 minutes. He sleeps in his bassinet by the bed, and this works for now until he's way more mobile, and at that point, we will play it by ear on whether we use his crib or move him right to a floor bed.
What I find through all of this is that there is a lot of information out there and you just have to work with what makes sense for you and your baby. For me, I can't fathom nor have the heart for, or the strength it takes to do, sleep training, so I have accepted that this means I need to be more hands-on in the first few years, and that works for me. Luckily I am privileged in that I work at home and have incredibly patient and understanding clients, not to mention my support system in Chuck and his mom who also lives with us. You just have to find what works for you and throw away any urges to place judgments on yourself or others. Again, as long as you are there for your baby, loving supporting, and keeping them safe, girl, you're good.