Papa Love

I do definitely go on and on about mamas in these blogs, especially lately because I so greatly relate and empathize with them. The experience of motherhood is like no other.

But today I want to talk about fathers. 

This has been a very tough subject for me in the past, due to my own relationship with the man who helped raise me. He hurt me a lot growing up, and I have PTSD and emotional regulation issues because of that. So father's day was always a very difficult day for me. In the past I was forcing myself to show respect and appreciation to a man who hurt me deeply, and in the last few years, because I didn't want to pretend anymore that what he did was ok, I lost contact with my mother. 

Father's day has always been a very contentious and emotional day for me, full of pain, anger and frustration.

But then my soulmate, partner and best friend became a father. And when I tell you that he made all my dreams of a life partner come true, that does little to compare to how much he has also become the father I wish I had and one I am so incredibly happy and proud that my son gets to experience. 

I think about how this man makes me feel safe and I can't help but tear up at the thought that Lux will not know what it is to feel unsafe in the ways I did. I think about how strong and steadfast yet loving and compassionate this man is and I am so excited to see Lux take after him on that. 

I already see this genuine respect and awe he has for his father. Yes, he often reaches for comfort and safety from me right now, but I watch how he looks at his father in awe, sometimes smiling at Chuck even when he's not looking, and I know this kid truly loves his dad. He will pick up on anything his dad does. He does a mean fist bump, thumbs up and loves to splash in the tub like Dada taught him. He is just as cheeky and goofy as his dad, and he is a literal mini Chuck. Lux sucks up anything Chuck does like a sponge and that is so fun to witness.

This man steps up for me and for Lux, and puts his best foot out there whenever he can. He isn't perfect, none of us are, but he is pretty amazing and I am so so happy to be able to wish this beautiful man Happy Father's Day. 

I say the same to all the father's out there that I have photographed through the years, and remind you all of the preciousness of your relationship with your sons and daughters. You are their rock and their safety. Don't lose sight of that in all the stresses and worries of the everyday. Dad's tend to often carry the whole world on their shoulders, but remember it's the love and care that you share with your children that lightens the load. Kids are incredible at that.

Happy Papa Day!